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I’d had a breakthrough, a powerful, scary breakthrough-I realized that I was never in love with my husband. A few years ago, dear friends of mine were in the midst of martial stress.

I married him because I thought he was appropriate: handsome, a good friend, smart, Jewish, good in bed (no: really good in bed-initially, at least) and would never leave me. I was pretty sure that he would never have an affair. Anything that gives you a regular, legitimate excuse to be out of the apartment. The husband renewed a “friendship” with his high-school sweetheart, who lived in another state. I know this because his wife printed out every e-mail and showed them to me.

Torres AT weblogsinc DOT com for a possible future column.

It always sounds clichéd: about to turn 40, married 15 years, two youngish children; just back from a family vacation in the Caribbean and starting a new job for a dot-com company; an artistic husband (is that a euphemism for non-supportive and non-supporting? I thought I was pretty happy, and though a life-long flirt, I’d never kissed anybody but my husband from the day I had met him at age 23.

He was adamant that he wanted to stay until his youngest was 5. You need to be able to provide a skeletal accounting of where you have gone and with whom. Steven had season tickets to the Rangers and no interest in going to the games. She also knew exactly when her husband was planning to consummate this affair. (I was getting tired of having sex on the floor of our office.) I used a credit card that was in my name alone (see: Cash Only , below). Steven was never jealous about my husband and me and sex. My own green-eyed monster appeared whenever Steven had sex with his wife-and it was a topic that I asked about all the time. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall Do not close off your emotional life waiting for another to exercise their options. Examine your motivations, your guilt and your needs. I learned over the course of my affair what I ultimately needed from a relationship.

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Among other things, the idea of taking off my clothes and being naked in front of someone new terrified me enough to stay monogamous. He was married, with a 1-year-old and a 4-year-old. A few years ago, two women wrote a wildly popular, much-praised and much-vilified handbook for single women called The Rules.

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